


The Once and Future Prince

by totallynotnatalie



Series: The Once and Future Prince Series [1]
Category: GWA - Fandom, Original Work, PTA - Fandom, PillowTalkAudio - Fandom, gonewildaudio - Fandom
Genre: Except she hasn't seen me yet, F/M, Funny, Humor, Silly, fairytale references, it was love at first sight, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28176342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotnatalie/pseuds/totallynotnatalie
Summary: A short parody about a fairytale prince.
Relationships: M4F - Relationship
Series: The Once and Future Prince Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064150





	The Once and Future Prince

**Author's Note:**

> This is a script for the GWA subreddits. Please contact me before posting a recording of this work anywhere else.
> 
> This content is intended for 18+ audiences only.
> 
> Feel free to modify the script to meet your needs.

Page! Page!

*crash*

OW! Oh, I hope that vase wasn't important. 

Uh, the plaque says that it was from the Ming Dynasty...(joyful) Oh, I'm sure that wasn't THAT long ago. I can just buy another one! 

Anyway, Page! Page! 

Ah, there you are! Come quickly! I need you right now.

No, don't worry about the vase. I'll just get some servant to clean it up. 

(annoyed) Oh, don't bother with it. It's only from the Ming Dynasty. I'm sure that my father is friends with the Mings. I think we had them over for dinner once..

Or was that the Matthews...? Oh, no matter! I'm sure that it's replaceable. 

Anyway, we have more important matters to attend to. 

*excited* I can't wait to tell you the news! 

Oh, can you guess? 

*annoyed* No, I'm not finally taking Latin classes like father wants! I already know how to ballroom dance. What's the point in learning how to salsa? 

What?

(Annoyed) No, Latin isn't a language. It's a style of dance that includes salsa, mambo, merengue, rumba, bachata, bomba and plena.

(teasing) Oh, it's a language too? Well, then who speaks it? 

*laugh* How can it be a language if nobody speaks it? 

(playful) How about silence? Is that a language? 

*laugh* Does my father want me to take silent lessons too?

....actually, wait. He probably would. 

Erm, don't tell him that I said that!

After all, I wouldn't want to become boring and stuffy like him. 

*sigh* Yeah, yeah...I know that he's dying or whatever. And I *would* be sympathetic. But the man's been dying for ten years. My emotions are a bit spent at this point. 

Heck, two of the professional mourners I hired to grieve on my behalf have died before he has! 

Wait, three...

Nope, never mind. It was only two. Another one had to take maternity leave. But she's expected to be back next week. 

(thoughtful) I hope she brings the kid with her. The group has been lacking a decent cryer even since Gladys passed. 

What? I lack the capacity to grieve for him myself. So I'm paying people to do it. They do a decent enough job minus the whole dying thing. 

Honestly, I don't know what you expect? I've only met the man twice. And one of those times was my mother's funeral. Once she was gone, he left me to be raised by tutors and nannies. 

Besides, he was ever so kind enough to inform me that 'prince's don't cry' at her funeral. So, I have no intention of crying at his. It's how he would want it anyway. 

Now, please allow me to be my dastardly charmingly playful self before the old man finally kicks the bucket, and I have to spend the rest of my days listening magistrates yammer on about crop yields. 

I know I know..heavy is the head that...(forgetting)...rules the kingdom or whatever. But, with any luck, he'll keep dying for another ten years. And (gleeful) my head will remain as ever as light as it is now!

What? 

(grumbly) Oh, shut up! 

Anyway, you still haven't guessed what I was going to tell you! Come on, guess!

*sigh* No, I wasn't going to tell you whether that professional mourner had a boy or a girl. 

Although, it was a boy incidentally. Born eight pounds and three ounces. His name is Charlie. 

Yes, yes. Her first. And they are both in good health. 

Oh, you know..I was think about visiting them this afternoon. 

But that will have to wait...until after I tell you my big news!

*laugh* Ha, thought you were going to distract me didn't you? 

But, as clever as you are, I couldn't forget this if I tried. 

(giddy) Okay, are you ready to hear it? 

Okay!

*drumroll*

I've just met the woman that I'm going to marry!

Okay, well....I more saw her than met her. I was just glancing out the window and I saw her walk by. But I thought that she was perfect! And I'm just sure that she'll make a wonderful wife! 

*scoffs* I didn't just think that she was beautiful! I fell in love with her!

What? Yes, that's possible! Haven't you ever heard of love at first sight? 

Oh, honestly. It's in all the books. Handsome prince falls in love with a common girl? Something about pumpkins and midnight? 

Ringing any bells? 

*sighs* Yes, yes..I know that life isn't always like a children's story. But that doesn't mean that it never can be!

Some people might still fall in love at first sight even if not everybody does! 

And I already know that I love her and you can't convince me otherwise!

(pause)

Yeah, I guess she doesn't love me yet...because she hasn't even seen me. 

But...she's bound to like me, right? I am the crowned prince after all! 

I just...I just need to have her look at me. The second that she looks at me-she'll know. She'll know whether she loves me or not. 

*sigh* Yes, I know that she's likely already seen my portrait. Practically every woman in this kingdom has already seen my portrait. 

But it's not the same looking at a picture. You can't judge a person's soul the same way when their eyes are merely paint and canvas. 

(pause)

What? I can be profound occasionally. You know? 

Anyway, I have to find her. If I find her, then I'll be able to know for sure. 

But, admittedly, finding her would be a little be easier if I knew her name. 

(perky) But no matter! There are other ways of sorting these things out! 

(pause) 

Huh, I guess, in the stories, the prince normally has the girl's shoe or something. And we haven't got anything like that.

But that's okay because I could never forget what she looked like! 

Hmm...actually, now that I think about it, it's unclear why the prince in those stories would even need a shoe. You'd think that he just be able to remember her face after a night of dancing with her. 

(pause)

Okay, you're right. Maybe fairy tales don't offer the best guidelines for real life. 

But, if this is my one chance at love, I'm not missing it!

We just need a plan to find her! 

What? Yeah, I guess we could hold a fancy ball here for all the beautiful maidens to attend. 

*sigh* But that would interrupt the professional mourners and I don't want to throw off their routine. They work hard enough as it is. 

(pause) 

So, I guess the next best thing is just to start knocking on doors. 

...unless you have a better plan?

*sigh* I didn't think so. 

Alright, come on. 

Yes, we're starting now. I don't want to keep my true love waiting. 

(walking off voices getting further away)

Ohh, let's start Betty and Charlie's house! I wanna give the little tyke that stuffed tiger I got him.


End file.
